FAMILY TIME

As much as it's great to visit another country and see great exhibitions, the best type of holidays is the one you spend with family. And Amal is the one who always reminds me that when we go on holiday, we should relax more, just enjoy spending time with each other and not go from one place to the other. Very wise kids at such a young age :)

ART GARDEN AT SINGAPORE ART MUSEUM

I know the school holidays are coming to an end, but for some schools in Jakarta, the kids will once again be on a long break during the Idul Fitri holidays. So here's an idea of where you can bring your kids: the Art Garden exhibition at Singapore Art Museum. It's still open until 1 September 2013 so you still have almost 2 months to go and check it out. If you want your kids to experience art, and unfortunately it's not that easy here in Jakarta, take a short plane ride here cause it's worth it :)

Walter the bunny - probably the best part of the exhibition if you ask me :)

Hansel & Gretel malay style in the "Enchanted Garden City"

Doing activities in "Around the Day in Eighty Worlds" - felt like being in Alice in Wonderland

LANDscape in the box - boxes filled with familiar landscapes of Singapore

SINGAPORE ZOO

Yet another small getaway to Singapore, and this time we decided to go to the Singapore Zoo. The last time we went there was about 4 years ago, after I had a small operation in Singapore, so my memories are a bit hazy.
This time around it was way better because there's a new exhibition with Kai Kai and Jia Jia, the giant pandas and also red pandas! Absolutely the highlight of the visit of course :)
The pandas were only on preview at the Singapore Zoo until March 30th, but will be part of the River Safari, which will be opening on April 3rd.

Another highlight of the day was the food: a really good chinese food place called Mama Panda, right after the panda exhibition, where we found a really cute bakpao in the shape of a panda! And also, Ben & Jerry's ice cream stalls all over the zoo. I especially love their coffee milkshake :)

AMAL AND WHAT FAMILY MEANS

Amal is currently learning about family and family history at school, and one of his homework was to write in his daily journal, answering the question: "Do you love your family? Why? What family means to you?"

I just thought I'd post his answer here so I can keep it forever and come back to read it whenever I want :)

" I love my family because they buy me books food and other stuff. My family is great because they already go to meany countrys like argentina, norway, france, amerika and other places. My family is awsome because my Granpa was the ambasador in  norway. My family is realy helpfuel you know because my mom and my grandma help the poor kids in a place called yum. My family means to me is that they always look after me."

* written exactly how Amal wrote it in his daily journal

MAKING THINGS WORK FOR THE BEST

This year's Idul Fitri celebrations were, let's say, different. First of all, my ex-husband decided to say his Idul Fitri prayers at the mosque where my family was going to, and secondly, he celebrated the occasion with my whole extended family.....which has not happened for the past 4 years!

Amal and his cousins

Some people might think we have a funny relationship... 

I, for one, haven't stopped going over to his family and spending a day (or sometimes even sleeping over) during the Idul Fitri holidays. I do this because I sincerely feel at home there, I consider them my family and I'm adamant that my son feels included and part of his father's family. 

So 4 years later, I believe we've actually "succeeded" in our divorce. We've succeeded in a way where most divorced couples have had difficulties: putting our child's interest in front of ours.

How long will this last? Hopefully as long as possible. It's easy now that we both have not moved on and married other people, but that will be another challenge, which I look forward to and hope to find a happy compromise when the time comes. 

HELLO BABY SACHI

I had the most incredible experience last weekend: I helped during the birth of my new niece, Sachi Alkantara.

It's an indescribable feeling to be present during the birth of a baby, and to observe the last hour before the birth (which I can personally tell you is the most excruciating pain I've ever felt) and then when the baby is born, it's as if all the pain was worth it, or even that we don't even remember that pain.... All that matters is that the baby is here! Welcome to this world baby Sachi :)

DIVORCE AND KIDS

** I know I don't talk about my divorce much (or ever?) in this blog but I believe I've been really lucky to have people/family around me who have been more than supportive, not only through their advice but also their presence. Sometimes I get the opportunity to help others when they're going through the same situation or just a hiccup in their marriage, but I generally try to stay neutral.
However, when I read the article below I couldn't resist to share with you because it sort of sums up what I also feel about divorce: it can be a good thing, especially for the children. I'm in no way promoting divorce, but sometimes it is the best way to go if everyone involved is or will be unhappy in the future.

Divorce And Kids: 5 Ways Divorce Benefits Kids

By Dr. Shoshana Bennett for YourTango.com

Contrary to popular belief, divorce isn't always negative for kids -- sometimes it's excellent for kids. Here are five ways that your children can benefit from your divorce:

1. When Mommy and Daddy are happier as individuals, their kids will be too. When there's ugliness between the couple, no one's happy. Once the halves of the couple move on and find their grounding, each one as an individual has the opportunity to be happier than ever. When children have a happy mom and dad, they'll do much better.

2. When the tension dissolves out of the house, kids will be more relaxed.Children are like barometers. You can measure the level of tension in the air by their behavior. Once the split happens and the nasty intensity in the environment fades, watch how the children’s behavior follows. 

3. When you model that you deserve to be in a satisfying and supportive relationship, you model something wonderful to your kids. If you stay in a bad relationship "for the kids," don't fool yourself that the kids will really benefit. Although there will be certainly be an adjustment when you divorce, the end result is positive. You’re showing your children not to settle for an unhealthy marriage.

4. With shared custody, kids have the opportunity to experience each parent as a full and competent parent. Usually when both parents are together, one of them takes on most of the nurturing and/or logistical planning. After a divorce, the children can have each parent completely focusing on them with the time they have together. They can also see each parent fully taking care of home business.

5. There's the potential for your kids to either witness you being happy on your own or finding a better partner, both of which are a good thing.Whether or not you decide to pair up with another mate, your kids can benefit by watching your joyful independence or new positive relationship. Either way, your children will benefit.

So, if you were thinking this article would be about the horrors your children will experience if you divorce, at this point you're either hugely disappointed or greatly relieved. What's most important to remember is your newfound single life after divorce is what you make it -- and your children's attitude and well-being will follow suit.

KOMUNITAS HONG

Last Saturday, I went to a TEDx Jakarta event: always so eye-opening and just a breath of fresh air to see speakers talking about their passion, their work, their interest.

Among one of the speakers was a guy called Zaini Alif, a traditional games expert, who blew me away with his center for traditional games (pusat kajian mainan anak) called Komunitas Hong. I couldn't believe my ears: there was actually a place where traditional indonesian games was being preserved! I love that! I can't wait to take Amal there. Did you know that there are about 250 traditional games in West Java alone? That's amazing. Apparently, Indonesia beats other countries with the most traditional games. And I completely agree with him when he said that it's through these games that children learn about leadership, social structure, honesty, etc. Once TEDx Jakarta has put up his talk on their website, I'll post it here for you to see :)

In the meantime, enjoy this video I found on YouTube:

Every weekend, Komunitas Hong opens up their doors to the public in their spacious playground situated in Dago Pakar, Bandung. If you, like me, are interested to go there on your next holiday, here's their address:

Komunitas Hong
Jl. Bukit Pakar Utara No. 35
Bandung
Tel: 022 2515 773

PARENTING RULES

Last week I heard a podcast on The Parenting Experiment with guest Tom Sturges, who had so many great tips for parents. He's actually written a book called "Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children".

Tom Sturges was talking on the P.E. about his work with high school students and how every Wednesday he goes to a high school and is a mentor for at-risk kids. But it's not the teaching that's important, it's the inspiring, the listening to their troubles and just being there. Amazing.

One of the rules he had that applies for teenagers is one that I personally will apply to Amal when he grows up: No Questions Asked - which is a rule that is used when your child is somewhere he/she doesn't want to be in but is too afraid to ask to be picked up because he/she knows you would get mad. Now, with this rule, they can just say: "Hey mom, "no questions asked" rule, please come and pick me up". It might be frustrating but at least your child will be safe.

Ok, so I looked him up on the internet and on his website, he has some rules that I find quite helpful and just thought I'd share with you:

Rule #1: Parking Lot Rules
Whenever you are in a parking lot, your children must stand right next to you.

Rule #3: Grow The Tree You Got
We must separate our own expectations from those of our children.

Rule #5: Once Seen, Never Unseen
Protect your children from sad sights that will stay with them forever because once seen, never unseen.

Rule #9: Make Life Promises and Keep Them
Inspire your children to believe and trust you; make life promises and keep them.

Rule #14: Yes-Not-What: (The) Leslie Bricusse Rule
Leslie Bricusse is a great songwriter ("Goldfinger" and "Candyman" among them) and one of the most polite men in the world. Whenever he hears his name called out, he always answers "Yes" or "Yes, my love..." Try this with your children, and whenever they call out to you, answer them Leslie Bricusse style and always say "Yes!"

Rule #18: (The) Five Best Times To Talk To Your Child
Best time to talk to your child: 1)Bath Time 2)Drive Time 3) Bedtime 4) Wake-up Time 5) Anytime they want.

Rule #22: When You Get Upset, Whisper

Rule #26: (The) Whisper Game
Use the "Whisper Game" to remind children that they do not need to shout to be heard.

Rule #29: Reverse Dinners
"Reverse Dinners" can break the monotony of too many healthful green vegetables and make eating fun again.

Rule #32: The Significance of a Firm Handshake
Teach your child to give a firm handshake early on.

Rule #35: Please And Thank You Races
Please and Thank You Races tell your child the importance of being polite and well-mannered at a restaurant table.

Rule #37: Angels Angels Everywhere
Tell your children that there are angels everywhere to teach your children to be patient and understanding with those who are different from them, particularly people who are enduring difficult circumstances.

Rule #42: Dog Tags
Have your child wear "Dog Tags" especially for a trip that lasts several days in a foreign city.

Rule #54: (The) Power of Forgiveness
To make a foolish mistake is what children do. Let the power of forgiveness guide your parenting.

Rule #56: Five Non-Violent Yet Very Effective Punishments
1) Silent Treatment 2) Do Not Go To Your Room 3) The Writing Punishment 4) Make Him Apologize 5) Have Your Child Run Laps

Rule #62: Squeeze My Hand As Much As It Hurts
After an injury, let your child squeeze your hand as much as it hurts for them.

Rule #63: Do Not Rush To End The Tears
When your child is in pain, just hold him in you arms and let him cry it out. There should be no rush to end the tears.

[image found on Stephmodo]

FAMILY HEIRLOOM

Today I went to clean up my house and saw this suitcase below which belonged to my great-aunt Odette. I think she must be around 93 years old now. She's still alive and kicking in Paris, living on her own in a small apartment on the 6th floor without a lift (I kid you not!). When I was studying in Paris, I would come over to her place once a month and have lunch with her. Before I left to go back to Jakarta, she asked me what I wanted to take from her belongings since we didn't know when I would be able to come back to Paris. Now, every time I came to visit my great-aunt, after lunch, we would open one of her many photo albums (she's travelled all around the world) and she would tell me stories about her adventures. So naturally, I asked if I could have her albums :)

But besides the albums (I think I have at least 20 of them), she also gave me this suitcase with historic newspaper clipping... If you see the photo below, she has about 3-4 newspapers for the date of May 8th, 1945 when the Germans finally surrendered and World War II ended...

This photo below is also pretty awesome, taken when Paris was still under German occupation. The sign says "Attention, if you go beyond this line, you will be shot"

The 2 photos below are part of her travel albums. My great-aunt studied art at school and was quite talented. She finally got a job making maps but as you can see, she still drew for her albums...

Here are some photos of Tati (as I normally call her) during her youth. She's not a very easy woman to be around and much preferred animals to humans, but deep down she was nice and I really hope she's doing well right now...

DIY FAMILY TREE

I've spent these last few weeks in activities involving family, both from my side and from my ex-husband's side. I'm grateful that I have wonderful in-laws, easy to get along with and just basically really nice people. Now, Amal sees my family more because I happen to live with my parents and unfortunately, Amal's grandparents from his Dad's side live quite far from Jakarta. And I think that has to do with the fact that he's not yet quite aware of his Dad's family. He knows his grandparents but he hasn't grasped that the other people he meets are his uncle, aunts and cousins :)

So, inspired by a family tree I had made with my cousin back in 1996, I decided to sit down with Amal and create his family tree and here it is:

It's very easy to make. All you need is:

- Cardboard paper

- Markers

- Watercolors paint & paintbrush

- Tom & Jerry labels

I started by drawing a huge tree in the middle of the cardboard paper and Amal filled the tree with watercolor paint. While we waited for the paint to dry, we wrote down the names of the different family members we have in our family (I had to help a bit!). We then put Amal's name in the center of the tree and just sort of went from there to fill in all the other members of the family.

Et voila!

I personally believe all kids should know their roots, good or bad. It helps to know where you came from. Not only that, I like the saying "Blood is thicker than water" meaning that bonds of family are thicker than those with unrelated people. Families aren't always easy but they do help to understand certain things about yourself :)

PROUD MAMA

Amal has been particularly loving lately and it's heartwarming. One day, he brings me flowers, another it's cuddles in the morning and last week, it was this note given to me discreetly. Honestly, I'm in seventh heaven right now. Amal is a gift, best gift I ever got :)

IN MEMORIAM

"Some people sweet and attractive, strong and healthy, happen to die young. They are masters in disguise teaching us about impermanence" - Dalai Lama

I read this quote a really long time ago and it hit me quite hard because yes, I had always wondered why some people leave us too soon, though they are the kindest people we know. And just a week ago, this quote is what came to mind as soon as my brother-in-law passed away. He was the kindest person you could ever meet, always ready to give a hand. The least he would do was to give you a huge smile.

If there is one thing that came out during our time of grief was that we got to experience just how many people he touched, friends or strangers, old or young, from senior officials to cleaning personnel, he was remembered as someone who treated everyone equally and made sure that everyone felt appreciated and valued.

It's a precious gift he has given us and in his memory, I will do my best to continue what he has taught us all.

[image found on Say Yes to Hoboken]

THE BLUE HOUSE IN LUNEL

I have a dream.... that one day I too shall have a house this pretty :)

Actually, this beautiful house belongs to my aunt and uncle who live in Lunel, a small city in the south of France, not far from Montpellier. They are about a 30-minute drive to the beach but also close to lavender fields, sunflower fields and amazing wine.

I don't know if you agree with me but I think it's the blue window panes that get me all excited... That color just makes me happy and makes the house look so alive.

Of course, I am pretty biased because I've had so many good memories in this house such as barbecues on the terrace, wine drinking in the late afternoon, Christmas celebrations next to the chimney and the amazing grilled camembert during the summer :)

FAMILY HOLIDAY IN KUALA LUMPUR

Holidays are so much more fun when there is family... at least that's my opinion :)

Amal & I went for a 5 days trip to Kuala Lumpur to see Amal's cousins, Diada and Chaya who live in the heart of KL (I'm jealous!).... We always have great fun there not only because we're with family, but because there are quite a few things to do:

- Parks: There are at least 3 big parks in KL, with free playgrounds for kids, horse rides, animal parks, kiddie pools, etc.

- Food: from indian to chinese, malay to thai, there's a variety of really good food there

- Shopping: I have to say that I do like the malls there and my sister-in-law really knows where to buy good quality cheap stuff so kudos to her and her shopping skills :)

- Petrosains: This science museum really impressed me. It's really worth going here with your kids. It's well done, well maintained and really fun for kids.

Oh, and it really didn't hurt that when we were there, the Dinos Alive exhibition was on. Amal was ecstatic, head over heels when he saw the dinos roaring full size and all.

TO THE HAPPY COUPLE!

My brother-in-law got married last weekend (actually it was the wedding reception, the religious ceremony being on Dec. 2nd) and it was a beautiful reception. The location was in Ciganjur, in a place called Plataran with traditional javanese and balinese houses, surrounded by greenery. I'll try to post more pics if I can get the official wedding photos :)

Anyway, as you can see in the photo above, the happy couple are very happy indeed and so is the whole family. I believe they are right for each other and they compliment each other very well. Here's a toast to many wonderful, happy years together filled with love, laughter, passion and friendship!

FAMILY PHOTOS

I like to capture moments, especially when these moments involve family. You can never have too much documentation :)

I've always dreamed of having a Polaroid camera, but these days it's not that easy. The production of these cameras have stopped, so I have to make do with an awesome application on my iPhone called Polarized, which instantly makes your pictures appear as if they were taken by a Polaroid camera.